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“She said I was too fat for sex!”

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Suspected adulteress adds insult to injury as marriage falls apart

Marriages fall apart for many different reasons, but being overweight and smelly are not usually grounds for divorce. At least that’s what troubled Gomolemo Rankosha believes.

The 43-year-old teacher does not accept that his wife’s refusal to have sex with him has anything to do with accusations of being too heavy, but rather that she is cheating on him.

Speaking to The Voice, Rankosha admitted that his 11-year marriage to Duduetsang had turned sour, but still hoped he might save their relationship, especially as they have two daughters together.

The couple’s problems began when his 33-year-old wife, who is a nurse, was transferred to Mahalapye Primary Hospital last year June.

His suspicion that something was amiss were aroused when Duduetsang was less than enthusiastic about a proposed visit.

“She blocked me from visiting her in Mahalapye claiming she was working night shifts, but I found out she was not telling the truth. I realised then that there was another man entertaining her.”

He went on to say, “When I did visit during lockdown she gave me the cold shoulder. She was complaining that I snored and said we couldn’t have sex because I’m too heavy. She was moody and said my scent irritated her,” continued Rankosha, who maintains he does not feel he has put any extra weight on.

“Later she said she no longer had feelings for me and wanted a divorce. I suffered a lot.”

Determined to find out who the other man was, the disgruntled teacher investigated and came up with a name – Onalenna Kesolofetse.

Rankosha then discovered that during the President Day holidays when Duduetsang had said she was visiting her parents in Lobatse, she had in fact dropped their kids off and left.

His investigations revealed that his wife had spent the holiday with her new boyfriend at a farm near Mmadinare.

He then called Kesolofetse who denied dating Duduetsang.

“I did not give up until I called when he was with his wife Naledi. I managed to talk to her and she confirmed that my wife was also wrecking her marriage. She said her husband was often away during weekends and even when he was at home he was on the phone chatting to Duduetsang.”

Kesolofetse is said to have confessed to his wife he was cheating with Duduetsang and that their plan was to each get a divorce so that they could marry.

“I have collected enough evidence to support my case. But I love my wife and I do not want to lose her,” Rankosha said.

“What is most disturbing is that even the kids know Kesolofetse and they tell me he always visits their mother at Mahalapye.”

Rankosha is now threatening to sue Kesolofetse for wrecking his marriage as the couple are meeting with their lawyer to discuss a divorce settlement next week.

When reached for a comment an irate Duduetsang said she would not discuss her marriage issues with the media.

For his part Kesolofetse denied having an affair with Duduetsang and said he was happily married. However, he said he recently received calls from friends saying someone posted on Facebook that he is wrecking his marriage.

INFIDELITY EXPLAINED

Volumes have been written about infidelity, most recently two books by American psychotherapists: “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity” by Esther Perel, and “Healing from Infidelity” by Michele Weiner-Davis.
Both books are based on the authors’ extensive experience counselling couples whose relationships have been shattered by affairs.

The good news is, depending upon what caused one partner to wander and how determined a couple is to remain together, infidelity need not result in divorce. In fact, Ms. Perel and other marriage counsellors have found, couples that choose to recover from and rebuild after infidelity often end up with a stronger, more loving and mutually understanding relationship than they had previously.

“People who’ve been betrayed need to know that there’s no shame in staying in the marriage — they’re not doormats, they’re warriors. The gift they provide to their families by working through the pain is enormous.”

Ms. Perel concedes that, “some affairs will deliver a fatal blow to a relationship.” But she wrote, “Others may inspire change that was sorely needed. Betrayal cuts to the bone, but the wound can be healed. Plenty of people care deeply for the well-being of their partners even while lying to them, just as plenty of those who have been betrayed continue to love the ones who lied to them and want to find a way to stay together.”

Rather than destroying the marriage, the affair acted as a catalyst for positive changes, Ms. Weiner-Davis maintains.

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