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No more night shifts for my poorly penis

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Old man seeks justice for limp genitals

A 68-year-old man proud of his love making ability has accused police officers of beating him up so badly that he is no longer able to satisfy women in bed.

Although Maun Magistrate Court acquitted him of trading in elephant tusks on Tuesday – a charge that carries a possible ten-year sentence – Aritoko Dubu is not a happy man.

The elder, of Gudigwa settlement in the North West District, is planning to sue the police for P1 million compensation.

He claims that when officers arrested him back on 13 March 2014, they tortured him, repeatedly kicking him in his groin and whipping his waist.

According to Dubu, in-between beatings he was suffocated with a plastic bag and fainted about four times.

The traditional herbalist, who admits that for many years he enjoyed sex with other women in the village besides his wife, says the assault left him with erectile problems.

“I cannot get it up. They castrated me. The women have left me because I can no longer satisfy them. Only my wife is at home, waiting for me!” declared Dubu, who has six children with his wife but has reportedly fathered many more outside his matrimonial home.

Speaking to Okavango The Voice outside court minutes after he had been declared innocent, it was clear the aging lothario was more concerned about his weak willy than his not guilty verdict.

“I was humiliated in front of my family, beaten up while half naked. I was kicked in my balls and now I can no longer father any children.

“The women have left me because there is no longer sweetness in the blankets. My manhood is unable to stand for the night shifts and it is a painful experience because I know the kind of sweetness I am missing out on!” grumbled the poetic herbalist, who allegedly specialised in preparing charms to help poachers elude law enforcement officers.

Dubu was detained in 2014 accused of dealing and trading in elephant tusks.

This was after five Namibians were caught in their country with the tusks and claimed to have bought them from him.

According to the police, P8, 800 and a rifle were confiscated from Dubu’s house at the time of arrest.

The old man contended through his attorney, Lesego Phoi of Phoi and Associates law firm, that the money was not proceeds of tusks sale but rather of the cattle he had sold.

He further insisted that the police took more money than they had presented before court, claiming the confiscated cash actually amounted to P31, 000.

“Though I find the evidence of the accused to be improbable, I prefer his evidence to that of the prosecution. The prosecution has failed to sufficiently put forward a strong case against the accused person,” ruled the court, before subsequently ordering that the rifle and P8, 800 be returned to Dubu.

If the aggrieved elder has his way, he will be receiving a lot more cash from the state soon. For Dubu, however, even P1 million is not enough to make up for the ruin that is his once proud penis.

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Avani Hotel race scandal

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*MASS RESIGNATIONS AS STAFF ACCUSE GM OF RACISM

*UNQUALIFIED WHITE PERSONNEL APPOINTED BOSSES OVER BATSWANA

“Racist, bigot and bully!”

These are some of the strong and unflattering words that scores of harassed and oppressed Avani Hotel employees have used to describe their South African boss, Allan Clingham.

55-year-old Clingham’s oppressive and shocking management style was exposed this week in a social media post that went viral and got the whole nation up in arms with many calling for a protest march to the hotel, whose Executive Management is predominantly made up of white South Africans.

Speaking in an interview, a fed-up but fearful employee who requested for his name not to be mentioned to avoid possible victimisation, said, “ What I can tell you is that in the one year that Allan has been the GM here, the hotel has become a living hell for staff. He is cruel, he is mean and he is rude and ruthless. His favourite line is; ‘I am untouchable.”

Apparently, Clingham developed a habit of randomly letting employees know how ‘untouchable’ he was after he failed an internal Team Management Engagement Survey (TMES), which fingered him as a racist.

“Even though my score is in the red, I am not going anywhere,” he would allegedly gloat in executive meetings, a source has revealed.

Another disgruntled manager spoke of how Clingham targeted all local senior managers who challenged his weird management style or called him out for being racist, with either unprocedural or constructive dismissal, which caused a mass exodus of 16 senior managers within a year.

So far, 14 of those have filed complaints with the Department of Labour while some have taken Avani to the Industrial Court in lawsuits of not less than P1 million each.

Clingham’s recruitment style has also been slammed – by a former senior manager – as flawed in that he seeks to replace highly qualified Batswana with either unqualified white South Africans or under-qualified Batswana, who he can totally mistreat and control because they would be indebted to him.

“A typical example is when he recruited Pulafela Moothai, an under-qualified Food and Beverages Manager who holds a Junior Certificate Examinations (JCE) qualification over Cecilia Rammuso, a highly-qualified Food and Beverages (F&B) Manager who holds a Masters Degree in Hospitality and has massive experience in the industry. He actually disregarded the interview score in which Rammuso had trounced Pulafela, and instructed his Deputy Manager to hire Moothai, who came last among the interview candidates. As if that was not enough, he then went ahead and promoted an Assistant Barman to be F&B Assistant Manager,” the flabargasted inside source revealed.

Asked for a comment, Avani spokesperson, Nikki Chigodora, referred us to Southern Africa region Marketing Manager, Janine Smith, whose phone rang unanswered while Clingham was not available for an interview.

A Motswana minority Avani shareholder, Robert Mpabanga did not respond to text messages sent to his phone.

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Resilient or stupid?

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Some people find the above meme which has been circulating on social media funny.

I find it distasteful.

Actually, it makes me sad.

It makes me unhappy because it depicts the distressful life we have had to get accustomed to.

Things are getting worse in our country and instead of standing up and holding our leaders accountable we just murmur about the hardships, adjust and move on.

Just like in this meme where this person had to make a plan instead of going barefooted, so many of us have had to make plans to survive under the circumstances. We have had to change our lifestyles as the Dollar becomes more and more elusive.

It’s not wrong to come up with survival strategies but in our case I feel we have been pushed too far.

Bread is now a luxury so is meat and milk. These are foods that almost every household could afford, but not anymore.

Price of cabbage and other vegetables has tripled in recent times because that seems to be the main relish now.

At the rate at which things are going, we will soon no longer afford to buy the cabbage, but well Zimbos being Zimbos, we will make a plan – after all we are known to be resilient!

I guess we are no different to frogs, which adjust their body temperatures when inside a pot with boiling water instead of jumping out.

And talking of being resilient, I recently found myself wondering if we are really resilient as a nation or we are just stupid and docile.

Last week fuel prices went up to almost ZWL$20 a litre (about P14) meaning prices of most goods will also go up, further eroding our already stretched incomes.

Again we will continue talking about how the going is getting tougher while we queue at the filling stations just to buy 5 litres of either diesel or petrol as that’s what most of us can afford.

Meanwhile our President will continue to charter private planes to fly across the globe while telling us to tighten our belts and remain patient as they are ‘fixing the economy’.

Which reminds me of how my jaws dropped when I read that Mary, the estranged wife of Vice President Constantino Chiwenga is demanding a monthly maintenance of US$40, 000 (about P400, 000).

It seems her short stint behind bars has not taught her any humility!

It also goes to show that Mary is very much aware the VP can afford this without any glitch. In fact, the whole divorce saga has revealed just how filthy rich and corrupt these people are.

If Mary, as according to one of the accusations, can allegedly externalise US$1million (P10m) and buy properties in Joburg’s up market suburbs, how much money did she have access to and where did all this money come from?

We should be questioning such things as a nation. But no, we let them flaunt their wealth while we feed on their bread crumbs, and you tell me we not stupid!

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Prophet threatens man over payment

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A 33-year-old man of Mochudi has accused his former prophet, Abednico Thabanelo, better known as Prophet Judas Angelo, of being a cheat.

Refillwe Budah Mooketsi this week went on social media to leak a heated conversation he claims he had with the Prophetic Christian Gathering Pastor.

He accused Angelo of threatening him every time he asked the Prophet for the money he owed him for a job he did last year.

In an interview with The Voice, Mooketsi – a cinematographer by trade – revealed his relationship with The Man of God collapsed when the Pastor failed to pay for a video he had done.

“Sometime last year he asked that I do a promotional video for his upcoming conference which he was to host for some Prophets from Zimbabwe. I did that and charged him P1, 000 but he cried saying it was too much and he couldn’t afford that. I then told him to pay me whatever he could afford since he was my Prophet. He suggested P400, a price I agreed on.”

However, Mooketsi claimed even the reduced amount never materialised as after leaving Serowe, where the Prophet is based, Angelo started coming up with excuses.

“He would tell me that he was on the way to the bank to deposit but hours would pass without any report from the bank.”

Mooketsi said that his Prophet’s stories kept changing and eventually escalated to threats.

“I will destroy your life in a second, if you want your money a batle sentle,” reads one of the messages Mooketsi says Angelo sent him.

DEMANDING PAYMENT: Mooketsi

“He is now threatening my life. What kind of a prophet is he, I now doubt his capabilities!” finished the cinematographer.

When contacted for comment, Angelo dismissed Mooketsi’s version of events, insisting the money was not a payment but rather a token of appreciation.

“I didn’t use his work because it was of poor quality. I am a professional who goes for quality! But I had wanted to give him P200 – it is only that I have been busy travelling a lot. He also stays in Gaborone, a far place from me and I don’t have time to go to banks,” explained the Prophet before warning Mooketsi to desist if he does not want to ‘regret his decision’.

“I am a Man of God and he will regret that. He can continue and expose, why post me for P200. I owe people money and I know when to pay them even those who owe me I don’t expose them, so it is up to him.”

Angelo concluded by saying defiantly, “This is not the first challenge to come my way and I am not threatened.”

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